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"...another reason I'm intrigued with the hanged of Salem, especially the women, is that a number of them aroused suspicion in the first place because they were financially independent, or sharp-tongued, or kept to themselves. In other words, they were killed off for the same sort of life I live right now but with longer skirts and fewer cable channels." Sarah Vowell, The partly cloudy patriot.


Today sucked.

I spent today crying, or trying not to cry. I had far too much unstructured time with too little social interaction (new work environs, plus one person was in their office with the door shut all day, one scares the bejeezus out of me, and the other I like and her door was open, but .... I'll explain that in a bit). I felt isolated in a new and not entirely supportive environs on a difficult day that is only the cusp of several difficult weeks ... with too little to do. Plus, the desk in my office there faces away from the door - my back is to the door. I hate that, but there's no way to change it. I kind of angled myself, but it was hard to work that way. But better that than panicking all day about having my back to the door.

The person I like is great - but I worry that how badly I feel made her go away. We had two briefish interactions, and after each one I cried. I felt like I talked about depressing things (my dissertation and the book I was reading - she asked about both though!). I felt like I said wrong things, because she went away and I felt lonely. I don't mind being alone - as long as I am alone. I hate being alone in a work environment where there are other people. I hate feeling so desperate to talk to someone. I hate how badly I feel today.

On a more humorous note: because of my weight loss, most of my clothes are too big for me. I don't have money to replace things nor to get them altered. I also haven't had time to go through everything to see what fits or not and what I can alter myself. So today I wore a skirt that I adore, but that i can pull on and off now without unzipping. Thus, I ended up flashing people a lot today because it kept slipping down (I wore an extra long top, but when I was sitting, I was flashing).


At 10:17 PM, Blogger RLT said...

I wouldn't mind flashing everyone in the universe if I could lose some of my weight. They might mind but, do I care? Ummmm....no.

In the meantime, though, what about safety pins? Just a little discreet pinching of fabric, maybe? Just a tiny bit, a tuck, just enough to keep it from falling? It might be enough to stretch your wardrobe for just a while longer. *sigh* I wish I had that problem. Even in addition to any others I'm dealing with at any given moment.

At 1:51 AM, Blogger Lucy said...

*hugs* I'm sorry you had a bad day.

At 9:32 AM, Blogger Trope said...

Hey, Shrinky, I'm sorry to hear that Monday was sucky as expected. I'm expecting a big boost out of Tuesday, though, just because I can hopefully spend the day without anyone doing a gloom and doom reminiscence (sp?) in front of me. (Not that I'm not doing my own, but I must be special or something, because my own gloominess doesn't bother me. Hee.)

And I really hear you about unstructured time without social interaction. It's something I know happens to me too, and I've got to try and avoid. I'm thinking about heading out to Starbucks this afternoon to pick a fight with a patron--how odd is that? But hang in there.

At 12:39 PM, Blogger Queen of West Procrastination said...


At 4:41 PM, Blogger luckybuzz said...

Sorry you're having a blue day. I doubt that it's the things you're saying that are affecting the person you like there--it seems more likely that she's just got her own worries and things to do. (I try to tell myself this sort of thing all the time, too.) I hope your day gets better.

At 4:59 PM, Blogger Katie said...

Sorry to hear that you are crying. Many hugs! Hope things get better and remember that you always have friends in the blogosphere!

At 7:19 PM, Blogger rented life said...

Belts are very in now, the bigger the better. Hike up the skirt and find a chuncky (cheap) belt!

I get you with the new job/limited social interaction. I share an office but it's silence. I walk down the halls and doors are shut, or open but that same deadly silence. Old job: people had doors open, officemates always talked, prof and students alike had music playing. I feel like such an oddity and long for real connection at my new job.


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