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"...another reason I'm intrigued with the hanged of Salem, especially the women, is that a number of them aroused suspicion in the first place because they were financially independent, or sharp-tongued, or kept to themselves. In other words, they were killed off for the same sort of life I live right now but with longer skirts and fewer cable channels." Sarah Vowell, The partly cloudy patriot.


Goals and impediments

Thursday night, I decided I need to keep myself busy. So, I made a list of goals. I have yet to even accomplish one. I have three big impediments, one weird one (and one furry one!):

Impediment 1: Anxiety about job seeking. The job I applied for last week (not the editing one) is one I would really like. The process went really quickly for a while, which was nice as I really need a job, and it made me hopeful. From Thursday of last week until Tuesday of this week, I had contact with the supervisor every single day. Since Tuesday, I have heard nothing. Now, I am more than aware that typically you turn in an app and hear nothing for eons, have an interview and then hear nothing for eons … but because it started out with very quick turnarounds, I am very anxious. This anxiety is causing some problems (jaw clenching, difficult sleeping, some mood issues, etc.). This editing job is being pokey too (this is just a stop gap measure until I get a real job – so I had hoped it would be quick – and that I would be paid quickly!).

Impediment 2: On Thursday, I checked the balance of my checking account and panicked (had about $100 less than I thought). So, money anxiety is worrying me tremendously.

Impediment 3: Since Wednesday, I have been having major sinus pain. Nothing is working to get rid of it (except for taking showers, but it only helps while I am in the shower). I’ve tried pseudoephedrine, nasal spray, essential oils, Excedrin (I’m out of advil, which might actually help but am loath the leave the house and to spend the money on it), teas, sleeping, etc. It is driving me to drink (literally, I had some wine last night to help me relax – and I don’t normally drink, but I had some wine I’d bought for a recipe).

Weird impediment: I think my teeth have moved, or something. I can’t close my mouth all the way (well, I know this is from clenching my jaw) and I am convinced that one of my bottom teeth has moved and it feels weird and it is distracting.

Here are my goals:

1. Make a hat. My favorite winter hat (which I made) was lost somehow. Waah! I have a bunch of hats that I also made, but I am unhappy with each for various reasons (too big, don’t end up liking the color combo, etc). I really want to make an earflap hat, as the ones I’ve been making don’t cover my ears at all (and they get cold!!!). I made one yesterday, but it was too big! I started on another one (red), but I think the yarn is too weird and it is just not working. I just tore the too big one apart to try to remake it a bit smaller. I just really want/need a new hat!

Here's the too big hat. I am holding up one of the pom-poms at the end of the ear flap tie (there's also a pom-pom at the peak of the hat).

2. Organize yarns and fabrics. I’m tired of them being in various places throughout my apartment and tired of them not being at all organized.

3. Write a cover letter for the job opening at the women’s counseling center (for which I am entirely unqualified as they want someone who is licensed and who has 5 years post-graduate experience – but otherwise my skills are a superior match for them, so I am going to try to finagle a job there).

4. Finish Christmas (yes!) cards and find envelopes – and then send the damned things. Argh!

5. Finish editing the paper that I want to submit to a journal. Submit it.

6. Finish clinic paperwork.

7. Call E. This one is part of my impediment induced anxiety. This is the therapist I have just started to see. I was hoping to know about one or both of the jobs by now so I could see if she would be okay with me seeing her and paying her when I get paid. I am supposed to see her Tuesday – but I can’t afford to! I might have an answer about the editing job this weekend (fingers crossed) and then hopefully she won’t need me to put off seeing her until I have actual money in my hands.

8. Return emails! Argh!


At 6:42 PM, Blogger BrightStar said...

Any one of those impediments would paralyze me. I hate job search anxiety, particularly when you're worried about money already, and being in physical pain is just awful. I admire that you're pushing yourself to accomplish your goal in the face of all of this. I also like the photo of your hat that you find to be too big. I wish I had a big head (I might, I don't even know! and I mean literally, as I fear I have one figuratively...), because then I could borrow it. It's cute.

At 3:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nice hat! This is gross, but have you ever tried snorting salt water (also called nasal irrigation)for your sinuses? There is some sort of device you can buy but all you really need is warm salty water.


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