.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}


"...another reason I'm intrigued with the hanged of Salem, especially the women, is that a number of them aroused suspicion in the first place because they were financially independent, or sharp-tongued, or kept to themselves. In other words, they were killed off for the same sort of life I live right now but with longer skirts and fewer cable channels." Sarah Vowell, The partly cloudy patriot.


Morning sickness

For the past few days, every morning I feel ill. Sadly, this means I cannot stomach the lovely oatmeal I got the other day, as I just feel too nauseated. I think anxiety and distress are a huge part of this. I had to repress really thinking about what happened at school while I was at my grandfather's and at my mom's - and now I can't. And now I am awash with all the feelings of shame, failure, fear, and disappointment.

It doesn't help that apparently beautiful nrrrdboy seems to have a female companion, and they apparently have been having sex (why yes it is uncomfortable living right below the person on whom you have had a crush for some time, why do you ask?). Oh jeez - I can hear them up there talking right now - and since I am still in bed, that means they are too.

I have two big things I need to do, that I cannot get myself to do. I have a deadline today - I have an article due today. How ridiculous is it that I was just kicked out of grad school and I have an article to write? Something seems really wrong here. I feel so hopeless and incompetent, as well as depressed and demotivated that I cannot rally myself to do it.

I also have to edit my cv into a resume and write a cover letter. I am pretty depressed about my career options as I looked into licensure this weekend. Without a PhD, I don't think I can get licensed as a shrink. Programs like mine - although they are shrink-type programs - offer very little in the way of therapy courses. In order to get licensed at the masters level, you have to have had a TON of coursework on therapy. Most jobs that hire shrinks want people who are already licensed. If I were to open a private practice, I'd have to be licensed. I feel hopeless right now as that is what I want to do - I don't want to teach or do research - I want to be a shrink.

I'm also feeling really confused and frustrated at Saddam Hussein's execution. First, I am not for the death penalty anyway, so I disagree with it anyway. But, who was behind it? I had thought it was being pushed by the Iraqis. But, reading baghdad burning, it looks like at least she thinks it was the Americans who were pushing for it. But, he didn't even stand trial for all of the crimes he committed, right? Wasn't he still supposed to stand trial for his genocide of the Kurds? Why was he executed before that? Why was he executed so quickly? On friday, the NYT said it would be after Eid, and thus not for a few days at least. And then he was executed that same day! Follow-up reports didn't explain why the time frame changed so drastically. I find the whole thing really disturbing. If Bush thinks this will make us feel better about the war and about him, he is mistaken (at least as far as I am concerned). I think in order to have had that effect, we ought to have been barraged with news about the atrocities he committed first - we should have had evidence of his evildoings in the news every day - with footage and testimonies. But all I have in my head is the video of him being examined by a doctor, his admission that he loves doritos, and the knowledge that we put him in power - we created him. The world doesn't feel safer with him gone; Iraq is not better off; and I feel no better about our current administration and what we are doing to Iraq.

On that somber note - please take a moment to write to your congresspeople to let them know that we need to intervene in Darfur - that we cannot tolerate genocide any longer. Go to safe darfur for more information.


At 10:34 AM, Blogger PPB said...

You may be able to transfer into an MSW program, skip most of the classwork and graduate. But of course you would need to want to do that.

I still say fight, fight, fight. Get the others together. This is a winnable battle. Believe me, your school will not want the publicity of a bunch of women saying they were asked to leave, then told to withdraw, and for no good reason.

But if that is not what you want to do, one area in which you can probably find work reasonably quickly is in academic libraries (did you get the Ma on the way?) or other college offices like admissions or development or publications. You'd probably be hired reasonably quickly and would have time to plan your next move more carefully.

At 1:11 AM, Blogger Lucy said...

*hugs* There is definitely something very wrong about being kicked out while you're writing manuscripts. I hope you fight, as PPB suggests, or find a way to do want you want.

At 2:31 AM, Anonymous grad007 said...

Hi Shrinky,

I hope you soom make positive steps towards leaving this difficult career situation behind you.

Also, I think the media confusion concerning Saddam's execution date was intended. Perhaps so there could be no protest / violent celebration ?


Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home