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"...another reason I'm intrigued with the hanged of Salem, especially the women, is that a number of them aroused suspicion in the first place because they were financially independent, or sharp-tongued, or kept to themselves. In other words, they were killed off for the same sort of life I live right now but with longer skirts and fewer cable channels." Sarah Vowell, The partly cloudy patriot.


Need to sit myself down for a good talking to...

I am seriously putting all my eggs in one basket right now. Despite the fact that I know this is not good, I keep doing it. I'm just not good at keeping multiple fires going (to mix metaphors -- eggs and fires), and I'm not good at multi-tasking.

But right now, I need to force myself to work against my type. It annoys me because I know I am shoooting myself in the foot by doing this, and yet I continue. It also annoys me because I often caution my clients against putting all of their eggs in one basket - and yet I can't get myself to do otherwise (it can really make one feel like a fraud when one is good at helping clients work through things that one cannot do in real life).

I need a job, pretty desperately. Yet, I have basically only applied for one job (well, sort of three jobs at one place). I have a little editing job - but it is being weird and pokey - so that is no safety net yet.

But I keep acting as though I *have* to get this job. I mean, as though I am destined to work there - it is a perfect job for me, a perfect place to work. Ergo, it *must* work out, n'est-ce pas?

Even though I know there is no guarantee (and as each day that I don't get contacted by them passes, the more I think it is not going to happen), I keep hoping/thinking, and keep neglecting to apply for other things.

Now, I do check the various job listings, but I can't find things that are good matches for me and my skills. One job I found would be perfect, except apparently they require that the person be bi-lingual (am tempted to apply anyway just in case they don't find a good bi-lingual person). Several jobs that look good require drivers licenses (which I don't have, and it would take some time and energy to get; and also - I don't want to have to drive for my job!!!).

But still, I have to apply for things. It may be a few more weeks before I hear anything about my dream job - and if it is a "no," and I don't have eggs in other baskets - I will be totally screwed.

And it's not like I am too busy to do anything. I have been doing nothing pretty much all day every day. Some of the time, I think I am just too used to doing nothing to have any energy to do anything (laziness). But I also think my feelings of depression, worthlessness, and hopelessness are a huge part of my complete lack of ability to do anything.

Looking for a job is hard work - you have to put yourself out there and sell yourself. Oddly, there is something about getting kicked out of one's graduate program that can seriously muck with one's sense of self and one's sense of self as a valuable commodity to a workplace. Weird, huh?

Here are two random things related to recent NYT items:

1. There was an article on thursday in the House and Home section about 4 senators who live together in DC. It was seriously one of the funniest articles I've ever read in the NYT. I absolutely love that Schumer eats a ton of cereal and is a slob. The writer seemed to characterize the conditions in which they lived as being sub-par, and almost tenement-like - but it looks pretty nice to me (certainly nicer than my place). Anyway, if you want to see a more human side of the politicians, go look up this article.

2. I keep meaning to create an intelligent and thoughtful blog entry about this next one - but I haven't summoned up the energy, so I will just briefly mention it so it gets at least some mention. David Brooks wrote a really interesting op-ed piece on sunday in which he discussed some interesting reasearch by sociologist Seymour Martin Lipset. Lipset was apparently really interested in figuring out why the US "never adopted a European-style welfare state." What he found (he died New Year's Eve) was that countries in which there is more racial/ethnic diversity were significantly less likely to have social welfare programs/social support programs. I guess he abandoned this for other explanations later on - but I think this is a really interesting notion. The more we see ourselves as different from each other, the less likely we are to want to help take care of others. I think this is becoming more and more of an issue in Europe as more immigrants come (especially muslim immigrants) as several countries are starting to call into question their social welfare programs and are wondering if they ought not be applied to immigrants.

I wonder how this relates to Hurricane Katrina. Is it that at first, when we saw the misery, destruction, and horrific treatment of the victims of the hurricane, we saw them as simply Americans, and didn't think about their races? Because at first, there was an outpouring of help for the victims. But later, the well of help ran dry - is this because we then became aware of our differences and thus no longer felt a desire to help?

I think we also convinced ourselves of our differences; if that were me, I would have found a job and have gotten a home - I wouldn't still be living in a FEMA trailer living off of FEMA monies. Maybe we see skin color and class differences and allow that to convince ourselves that we are very different in a variety of key ways.


At 1:19 PM, Blogger Twirly said...

My department has several very distinct disciplines....a prof in my department says always apply to any department even if they are looking for someone in a completely opposite discipline. So I think you should apply to any job that seems promising even if you don't have the language skills or a driver's lic. - you may be just what they were not looking for.

At 1:38 PM, Blogger BrightStar said...

Thanks for the tip to the NYT article! I enjoyed it.

At 10:22 AM, Anonymous zelda said...

Hope you hear back about the jobs soon.

Waiting sucks!


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