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"...another reason I'm intrigued with the hanged of Salem, especially the women, is that a number of them aroused suspicion in the first place because they were financially independent, or sharp-tongued, or kept to themselves. In other words, they were killed off for the same sort of life I live right now but with longer skirts and fewer cable channels." Sarah Vowell, The partly cloudy patriot.


Continuing the whining...

* I was supposed to have been paid a week and a half ago, but my paperwork was lost. I'm now officially an employee, so I asked our department person when I'd get paid, and she told me it may have happened already and to check my bank account. I called my bank, no deposit. I called personnel, and they said I'd get paid on the 27th. Argh! Apparently, my department can ask that I get paid earlier, but it would cost them $50.00(?!).

* I think I may have to fire my shrink. Last week she told me it seemed as though I might "need more support" (as opposed to her calling me sullen and angry, implying I am not qualified for the jobs for which I have been applying, etc., all of which have definitey dampened my mood, and the efficacy of therapy). I was concomitantly pleased that she finally seemed to "get it" but also worried that she would say I needed more supprt than she could give me (all I want is for her to encourage me, validate me, normalize my feelings, support me - seems not too much to ask of a shrink). In this session she said she actually had no solutions, and instead wanted to know what my feelings were about our relationship. ARGH! I told her that honestly, I didn't want to spend any more time or money discussing our relationship when it seemed like there were far more pressing things. She said she thought the relationship was an important piece of the work. I don't disagree, however when I am so depressed I am unable to get out of bed, haven't done dishes or laundry in months, basically only bathe when I teach (or when bloggers visit, don't worry B* and Lucy!), am so depressed I feel absolutely immobilized and hopeless and like a failure in every aspect of my life - I kinda think maybe talking about the therapy relationship is not the most pressing thing. She said she agreed, and that we'd talk about that other stuff next week. I feel like I'm not sure she gets it, I'm not sure she can be more supportive, feel hopeless we can find a way to work together, feel convinced these issues in our relationship are completely my fault (which she has sort of been suggesting by denying that her interpretations of my behaviors are at all problematic), and that my concerns are not valid. Is it better to have bad therapy or no therapy? Cuz I've run out of options.

* I posted a whine on phantom's that included my worrying about my neighbor's cat (well, the cat she was taking care of) who is hiding under our house. She seems to be sleeping sometimes in some clothes of mine in my mudroom (I know this cause I found some kitty fur, and a little circle that evidenced a previously napping cat, and more recently, food I left nearby has been eaten). I went out there today to leave more food, and an ORANGE baby cat ran away and hid in a hole in the wall. The missing kitten is white! Oh my goodness, it is such a pretty baby kitten. I can't stand this. I want to rescue her.

* Stinkerbelle is jellus currently of the kitty smell (the orange kitten let me pet her nose a little through the hole in the wall - maybe since she has been sleeping in my clothing, she knows my smell).

* one of my students looks exactly like Cho, the V tech shooter. I am worried about him. In class today I let them talk about the events .. and I worried for him when questions and comments turned to Korea (north v. south) and asian students.


america's next top model is on tonight, as is shear genius.

Tropicana's new juice squeezes are yummy. They are basically water with some juice. I love grapefruit juice, but the sugar in it sends me into a coma (and I hate the unsweetened kind). The tropicana grapefruit juice squeeze is tasty, yet lower sugar. Yum.

When kitten gets jellus, she is cute and cuddly.

My students really want a film - so I will see if I can find something that will fit. I wonder if they would enjoy an episode of wonderfalls? I had planned to show them a film about Genie (a girl who was found when she was 13 who had been basically chained to a chair for much of her young life, and abused - who had no language, couldn't walk, etc.), but it was too damned depressing, I thought.

For the past three nights, I have dreamt about bloggers. Last night's was about peripatetic polar bear. I dreamt she was much skinnier than I had thought she was, and boy howdy was I disappointed by that.

edited to add: Oh no! Whine whine whine! America's next top model is preempted for some sports thing! Argh! I'm watching "I'm glad you're here" which is really uneven. Sometimes it is horrible, and sometimes it is really funny.


At 11:20 AM, Blogger Jenny F. Scientist said...

Hi Shrinkykitten (via PS). Read about your kitten- my family had a lot of wary strays come by, out there in the country. We would put out a dish of something tasty every day (like a little tuna) and sit a few feet away- sometimes 10 or 15- and try to wait until the kitten came out to eat it. Then we'd get closer every day; within a week or two they were generally letting themselves be petted and within a few weeks the skittishness wore off.

Also, by the way, your students sound a treat. I was sorry to read your grad program had screwed you over. Grrr to all of them.


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