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shrinkykitten

"...another reason I'm intrigued with the hanged of Salem, especially the women, is that a number of them aroused suspicion in the first place because they were financially independent, or sharp-tongued, or kept to themselves. In other words, they were killed off for the same sort of life I live right now but with longer skirts and fewer cable channels." Sarah Vowell, The partly cloudy patriot.

1.20.2008

Riddle me this...

What is it in relationships that causes you to lash out the most (and worst) at the people you love the most?

Is it because we expect so much more from them, and then if they make mistakes, it feels like it hurts so much more?

Is it simply because the emotions associated with those people are so much more intense that our reactions are just larger in general? Thus what might vaguely annoy us in someone with whom we have a more blah or distant relationship becomes more intense simply by virtue of the intensity of the relationship?

And what about when you are really angry about something else - or someone else - but the person we love most gets the brunt of our anger -they become the target, even though they really aren't?

Anger in my own close relationships is something I don't understand on an emotional level ... I don't understand why it occurs, how to react to it, what's normal anger and what's not-so-okay anger, when it becomes harmful in some objective sense and not simply because anger directed at me by someone I love devastates me....

I'm curious as to others' reactions to and experiences with anger in relationships...

2 Comments:

At 12:43 PM, Blogger BrightStar said...

In some cases, I think people feel like it's "safer" to get angry at someone with whom you are in a close relationship, because you feel like the attachment is so strong that this person would never leave your life, so they get displaced anger.

I think that was true when my Ex would express anger at me. He would be very angry at his boss or some injustice he perceived in the world, and I was given the anger that was meant for others.

 
At 5:06 PM, Blogger Propter Doc said...

Frustration. Frustration that they don't seem to magically understand what I'm going through or the situation I'm in. Frustration that they don't say the right words, offer the right comfort or support. Frustration that stems from things like B* mentions - frustration that I can't just go and yell at my boss and tell her how unfairly I'm being treated, then I get frustrated with Dr R and yell. Lots. Frustration covers upset, annoyed, irritated, fury, dissappointment and the inability to express any of these things to their source.

 

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