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shrinkykitten

"...another reason I'm intrigued with the hanged of Salem, especially the women, is that a number of them aroused suspicion in the first place because they were financially independent, or sharp-tongued, or kept to themselves. In other words, they were killed off for the same sort of life I live right now but with longer skirts and fewer cable channels." Sarah Vowell, The partly cloudy patriot.

8.18.2008

Some turn to the bible or a self-help book - I turn to the research

I realized last week that when I am distressed about something, I turn to the research. My grandfather has pancreatic cancer, and after our first doctor's appointment at Dartmouth, I have been a research fiend, learning all I can about pancreatic cancer, neoadjuvant therapies, palliative care, etc. I've written summaries of the research for family members, and done more and more research. Today my mom wrote about not being sure what to do when my grandpa is down, and I did some research on depression and pancreatic cancer and sent her some info on it (depression is more common among people with pancreatic cancer than any other cancer due to the fact that basically everyone with pancreatic cancer dies - and dies soon - the reasons for which I am happy to expound upon!).

I remember the very first time I did this. I was in a very very difficult and painful relationship. I was working at a community college at the time, and had dropped out of college. I remember going back to the library of my alma mater, which was now computerized, and using psychinfo to find psych articles on the topic. My undergrad major at that time was theatre - so how I actually figured out how to navigate psychinfo and find relevant articles eludes me.

Since then, it's what I do. Sometimes finding an article is enough, sometimes I have to print out tons and spend hours reading them. It always calms me.

I think part of me feels like if I can learn enough about something, I can cope with it. But also, I think a cocky part of me feels like if I can learn enough about something, I can solve it.

2 Comments:

At 10:51 PM, Blogger kathy a. said...

shrinkykitten -- i'm so sorry about your grandfather. i do the research thing, too.

take care, kathy
xoxo

 
At 6:14 PM, Blogger dr four eyes said...

I meant to post this a while ago, but I'm so sorry to hear about your grandfather. Take care.

 

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